A post in which I say “masshole” a lot

Anyone who has ever spent any time in New England knows about the “Boston” accent.  If you’ve spent any time around people who were raised here or who spent the greater portions of their lives in proximity to certain parts of Massachusetts, you know about the Law of R Conservation.

Simply stated, this law means that the letter R is removed after the letter A when they are pronounced, like “car” and attached to then ends of other words, like “idea” or inserted in between two vowels.  Therefore “car” becomes “cah” and “idea” becomes “idear.”  It sometimes takes a while to get used to this practice, but with enough time here, one not only gets used to it, one can fairly efficiently mimic it and often begins to expect it.  This accent is often referred to as the Boston Accent or “Speaking Masshole.”  One can also be “Massholish.”

There is, however, one thing that I will never get used to and which has always driven me nuts.  Spend anytime on Craigslist and you’ll see it everywhere.  No, I’m not talking about people referring to wrought iron as rod iron, that’s universal on Craigslist and, while sad, isn’t regional.

I’m talking about the fact that here, in New England, people talk about, and write about, things like dressers and desks as having draws.

Draw and draws will pop up all the time both in the spoken and written word when referring to what are actually a drawer and drawers.  This has become such an ingrained part of the culture up here that I have seen educated people openly refer to “the desk draw” without the slightest bit of self consciousness.  I’ve seen signs posted in work places referring to the “Lost & Found Draw” and nobody thought anything was wrong.

I am going to be clear about this right now.  In no way, at any time, in any situation that I can comprehend, is it EVER acceptable to substitute the word draw for the word drawer or the word draws for the word drawers.

They do not mean the same thing.  It is not a dialect difference.  It is not an accent.  You are changing out one word for another entirely different word.  You’re being a Masshole.

Stop it, enough already.  I get it that languages evolve, but this isn’t evolution.  This is, if anything, laziness and DE-evolution.

Can we put the drawers back where they belong?

~Kelly

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