New Hampshire Gift Shops and Other Scary Things

As you may have seen from Geoff’s post from the other day about Inappropriate Napping, we spent Thursday in New Hampshire with Geoff’s parents, sister, brother in law, and the kids.  Before going out to dinner we went to a local gift shop aimed at the camping and antiquing tourists that come through the area.  It was… an experience.

Let me preface all of this by saying that I’ve had some interesting experiences in New Hampshire over the years.  It is kind of considered a misplaced Southern state by some New England folks.  I think that natives of New Hampshire are just crusty, independent, and a little weird.  Take a look at the following photos and tell me if I’m wrong.  (Note, there are no native New Hampshire folks in the following photos.)

The place we went was sort of a Country Store crossed with a specialty delicatessen and the place country crafts go to die.  The country store section was sort of interesting.  Behold, the hot sauce shelf.  From the amusing to the offensive, they had it all.

Queen of Farts
Because calling your hot sauce, “Queen of Farts” totally makes me want to try it.
It shrinks what?
I’m sure this would be fine as a gag gift, but potty humor on food stuffs just isn’t my style.
It helps what?
Yeah, this isn’t inspiring hunger pangs either.
mmmm, splatted squirrel.
I always wondered what the state dish of NH is. Now I know.
No, there's no hot sauce in the cup.
Geoff models the “Colon Cleaner” hot sauce. For the record, that is home made draft root beer in the cup. They had it on tap in the store.
Because hot sauce and homophobia go together!
And last but not least, the homophobic hot sauce next to the “Sphincter Shrinker”. Just the right message to send, “Hot sauce and homophobia are fun kids! They both taste great!”

Moving on from the hot sauce section was the Edible Insect Section.  Really.  I don’t think these need captions, they pretty much speak for themselves.

Salt and Vinegar Crickets

Bacon and Cheese Crickets

Sour Cream and Onion Crickets

Flavored “Crick-ettes”, for when your lizard or frog needs a really tasty, sexist meal.  Yum!

Continuing with the “edible” insect theme, we found some candy.

Chocolate covered ants and BBQ mealworms
Yes, that’s right folks, to add to your cricket dinner you can have a side of BBQ meal worms and a chocolate covered ant cookie.

And the coup de grace, as it were?  The lollipops.

Scorpion Suckers
That’s right, folks, for only $2.29 you can have your very own Scorpion Sucker!
Ben mugs for the camera
Ben was the first to find the “Scorpion Suckers” and was sorely tempted to get one. He was eventually dissuaded and ended up with something more traditional, chewing gum.

Moving on from the “foodstuffs” there were some other items that made me roll my eyes or giggle.

A REAL wedgie.
File this one under 3rd grade humor or, “Dad, you’re getting this for Christmas.”
Stud Muffins...
Thank God we don’t have room for any more cookbooks in the house. Though I can think of some people who might think this a funny gift.

And finally, a little bit of whimsey to round out your trip to the Little Shop Of Horrors Olde Country Store.

Sir Chester What???
That is a seriously large mouse hole. Thankfully, it was painted on. Also, notice the black cat sign on the right hand side of the picture? It was the only thing in the store I thought about buying.

And that concludes our trip to Ye Olde Tourist Trap Country Store.  Tomorrow, photos of our Bastille Day celebration, BBQ, and Clam Boil in NH.

~Kelly

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1 thought on “New Hampshire Gift Shops and Other Scary Things”

  1. Honestly, I might have bought some of those hot sauces. Funny labels on hot sauce are pretty much normal, although I still don’t get the “Queer Sauce for the Hot Guy” thing and what they were trying to say. And some of the food looked really, really good, especially some of the maple syrups and sweets.

    And that draft root beer was awesome.

    -Geoff

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